Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”
*
The programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
*
A Photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks him if he has any luggage. The Photon replies “No, I’m traveling light”
*
A logician’s wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.
His wife asks impatiently: “So, is it a boy or a girl” ?
The logician replies: “Yes”.
*
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please”.
*
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are hired by a farmer to build a fence that would enclose the largest amount of area possible.
The engineer decides to build a circular fence, since it was the most practical way of enclosing the most area.
The physicist starts building an infinitely long, straight fence that would encircle half the world.
The mathematician builds a small, round fence around only himself and says, “I declare myself to be on the outside!
*
A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says “make me one with everything”.
The buddhist monk pays with a $20 bill, which the vendor takes, puts in his cash box, and closes the lid. “Where’s my change?” the monk asks. The vendor replies, “change comes from within”.
*
Who does Polyphemus hate more than Odysseus?
Nobody!
*
I sometimes regret that I never learned French but… such is life.
*
A cunning linguist gets all the ladies.
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There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don’t.
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Ben Bernanke orders a pizza. The server asks him, “would you like that cut into 6 slices or 8 slices?” Ben responds, “make it 8. I’m really hungry today.”
*
Neutrinos have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic!
Achaques e Remoques 
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